Lose the Pair

Sometimes I wonder how certain phrases got their start.

Case in point: “Pairs” of things.

I’ve always heard the expression “a pair of pants,” or “a pair of glasses.”

Soooo...why?

I mean, what IS a pair of pants? Isn’t that TWO pants?

No -- it’s not. It’s ONE piece of clothing that covers your legs and your butt and it's called PANTS.

Pair means TWO, right? So why do we call pants “a pair of pants”?

A shirt is the upper-body equivalent of pants, yeah? But does anybody say “a pair of shirts”?

And BTW, why is that piece of lower-body clothing called “pants,” i.e., plural?

Again, we don’t say “a pair of shirts.” It’s just a shirt.

Singular.

So should we be saying “pant” instead of “pants”?

OK, I know the word “pants” is derived from “pantaloon,” which is an English modification of the French word “pantalon,” which is based on an earlier Italian word pantalone that honored St. Pantaleon, a Roman physician and martyr -- horrifically executed in 305 A.D. (Saint Pantaleon - Wikipedia) -- and the patron saint of the glitterized, strategically ripped, ultra-tight faded blue jeans we see being worn today by rich female Hollywood stars and their admirers.

So maybe we blame the English or the French or the Italians for the word “pants.” But I don’t believe any of them said “a pair of pantaloons” or “a pair of pantalons.”

Or did they?

Maybe we’ll never know…

And what about shorts? Some people say “a pair of shorts,” as in “Today I’m gonna wear a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.”

Why a pair of shorts? Why not just “shorts”? I think “pair of shorts” is starting to fade from the conversational vernacular, thank God. So maybe we're winning that fight.

Then there’s “a pair of glasses.” People still say that all the time: “I’ve lost a pair of glasses.”

Again, are we talking about TWO instruments of better eyesight or just one?

Shouldn’t we just be saying “glasses”? Like: “Has anyone seen my glasses?”

Same with shoes. It’s not “a pair of shoes.” Shoes ALWAYS come in pairs because most of us have TWO feet. So we don’t need to say “a pair of shoes.” It’s simply “shoes.”

Same with earrings. People frequently say “I'm going to buy a new pair of earrings.”

But we have TWO ears to -- for some reason -- hang jewelry from, so it’s only natural that we need TWO earrings to do that.

Still, we must acknowledge the fact that some people -- usually males -- only hang ONE earring from ONE ear.

Not very symmetrical, but hey, this is America, buddy, and that’s their choice.

I guess my point -- yes, I do have one -- is that it’s past time to retire “pairs” from our clothing terms. It’s just pants, shorts, glasses, earrings, socks, etc.

Or am I -- once again -- overthinking the whole thing?

Ap-pair-ently....